Mess of Me
by spilled blue ink
Summary: "They say that true love hurts, well, this could almost kill me. Young love murder is what this must be. I would give it all to not be sleeping alone." -Niley
1. Chapter 1

**Mess Of Me**

The stars twinkled above me in the clear Californian sky on an unbelievably starry night and the cool breeze blew over my face as I lay there on the soft grass in partial darkness. My chest was rising and falling in rhythmic motion. Another sigh was carried away by the wind as my lips parted.

I was taking a trip down memory lane again tonight, not even trying to hold back as every memory came flooding back and played out in my mind as if it had happened yesterday. All those little moments, every details, every laugh, every touch, every… Everything.

My eyes were squeezed shut, an involuntary reflex to block out the pain and my fingers were unknowingly stroking the grass beneath them, plucking out a few pieces every few strokes. It amazed me how the thoughts were still so fresh, so painful, so _real_. As if no time had passed at all.

When it started becoming almost impossible not to cry, I made a weak attempt to temporarily distract myself and opened my eyes, my hands slowly moving to the back of my pocket and yanking out a thin shiny piece of metal. My hands moved quickly as I untangled the earphones and quickly stuffed them into my ears, pressing play and letting the music blare at full volume.

Oddly, though, my thought process still remained undisturbed. Completely unaffected by the music blasting through my ears. The thoughts were hitting me like a tidal rush, slowly beginning to rip me apart. My throat was constricting and my breaths were slowly starting to become heavier. At this point, it was impossible not to cry. I mean, how it could it not be? I was surrounded by living memories, so many of them, at this very moment.

This spot, the patch of grass I currently lay on, was _our _spot. The spot we had laid on countless times and made so many memories. The willow tree at the end of the park was _our _tree, engraved with _our _initials. The swing towards the left was where _he would_ push me while I screamed 'higher' and then jump; _he'd _always be there to catch me. This was where I had gotten my first kiss, in the pouring rain and then started crying, he had wiped the tear away and whispered; _"Is that a raindrop, or a tear?"_ and then swooped in to catch my lips with his again. This was where _he_ had brought me after one of our dates and told me that _he_ loves me. This was where we would sneak out in the dead of night and hang till 3 in the morning, our parents never finding out. This was where we would always come after a fight and then leave together as if the fight never happened.

This was… _our park. _It held too many memories, and every time I came here, I felt his presence. The air tasted like him, the grass held his footsteps and wind whispered his name. It felt like he was right here with me. It felt like.. _home. _

But, of course, home wasn't where I belonged anymore. It was over. _He _had moved on. It was time for me to do the same.

_Seven months, six days and twenty-two hours. _This was how long since we had broken up, or rather, since he had _dumped _me.

"_Nick? Why'd you call me here," my voice held a certain amount of worry in it. I did not understand what was so important that he had called me up and told me to meet him up urgently._

_His hands were shoved into his pockets and his expression was weary, he was wearing the same look he wore when he had to decide about something. His eyes were slightly apologetic as he grabbed onto my hand and forced me to look into his eyes._

"_Miley," he begun and I gulped, not knowing where he was going to go with this._

"_We need to talk." He finished, his eyes still boring into mine._

"_Yeah?" _

"_I've been thinking, a lot, lately." He said, his intense gaze never faltered._

"_About?" my own voice sounded unsure to me._

"_About us. About.. everything. And I've decided something. This isn't working out." He told me, his eyes searching mine for a reaction._

_At first, I did not understand. "What do you mean?"_

"_I mean, we should," he paused and ran a frustrated hand through his curls, "I mean we should take a break." He finished, completing the sentence._

"_A break?" I didn't even take his words seriously, a nervous chuckle escaped my lips._

"_Yeah. For the summer. Just, this isn't working out right now."_

_It took me a moment for it all to sink in. He wasn't joking. He was dead serious. _

"_What do you mean? If.. if this is about the other night, I'm sorry! I was just annoyed and-" he didn't give me a chance to finish._

"_It's not about last night, it's about.. everything in general. Cant you see, Miley? This isn't working out. We fight, we argue. I can hardly the last time we went on a full twenty four hours without arguing!" his tone was laced with frustration, desperation and… anger._

"_Its just because we're stressed about the finals, Nick. We'll get over it," I told him, my breathing becoming faster._

"_No, we wont, Miley," he shook his head at me, "that's why we need a break. Just for the summer, I promise you." He justified._

"_No!" I protested, shaking my head menacingly. _

"_It's the best for both of us." _

"_How could it be the best when I don't want it? Are you seriously breaking up with me right now?" the words exploded out of me as I shouted, growing angry._

"_I don't want to. But it's what's best." He said quietly, his eyes showing signs of remorse._

"_BULLSHIT! Nick, what the hell? Weren't you telling me how you loved me yesterday! What brought this on?" I was yelling at this point. I was unable to understand anything he was saying. He was making no sense._

"_Miley, calm down first." He gripped my shoulder, "it's just for the summer."_

"_Just for the-," my head was spinning now and I could almost feel my knees give out, "how do I know you'd still want to be with me after three whole months?" I tried to sound angry but by my tone; it was like I was begging._

"_Trust me." He whispered, "just.. please. It's what's best."_

"_So, it's.. over?" I forced myself to say the words and chewed on my cheek to abstain from crying._

"_For now."_

_Silence fell. His eyes still bore into mine, searching for more emotions. I didn't realize I had started shaking, slowly._

"_Mi, please. You know I love you." He almost begged._

_I looked away, "yeah, I… understand." I said after a long moment. "Just the summer?"_

"_Just the summer."_

_I sucked in some fresh air. "Okay."_

"_Okay?"_

"_Okay. I'm cool with it. It's just… surprising but.. I'm fine." I lied, I was anything but 'fine'._

_He didn't argue though. Because either, he believed me or… he just didn't want to hear anything else._

"_I knew you'd understand."_

"_Yeah, so, we're breaking up, huh?" _

"_Yeah," he replied after a second._

"_I should be crying," I tried to joke, even though I was falling apart inside._

"_And I should be muttering the traditional 'goodbye' and walking away." He tried to joke back, but nobody was laughing._

"_I guess you should do that, before I.. actually start crying." I told him, half honestly._

"_I'm sorry,"_

"_It's whatever."_

"_It's just the summer."_

"_I know," my voice was dead._

"_I better go."_

"_Yeah."_

"_See you at school tomorrow, Miley?"_

"_Of course."_

_He gave me a weak smile, "Take care of yourself."_

_I just nodded. He noticed my lack of response._

"_Yeah, okay, uh, see you then." He muttered awkwardly and gave me half a hug. I didn't respond._

"_I love you."_

_And with that, he was gone._

_And then the storm hit. Tears spilled. Screams were heard. Broken sobs. Hair being pulled out of my scalp. More tears. _

_I was alone. Empty. Heart Broken. Ripped apart. Shattered. Incomplete. And… lost._

_Even if it was just for the summer._

I forgot to mention. _This _was the park we broke up in, too.

That summer, I was a wreck. I had flown out to Tennessee to go see my grandparents. I had escaped; it was cowardly but I needed it. Over the summer, I had convinced myself that the temporary 'break' we were on would be over once the summer ends. And somehow, I had prepared myself to wait. Every night, I'd count the days till September. And when I finally stopped crying every night, I was time to go back.

I came back to be greeted by yet another shock, though. Nick's summer 'breakup' thing was b u l l s h i t.

He moved on.

With another girl.

_My best friend._

Selena Russo.

It was funny because neither of them had even bothered telling me over the countless times we had talked in the summer. It was funny because _she _was the one who told me 'it would work out' and told me to wait for him. It was funny because he had told me that he just needed time to think and that he'd stay faithful to me. It was funny because she was supposed to be my bestfriend and he was supposed to be the love of my life. It was funny because…. It _just _wasn't funny at all.

_It was heart breaking._

Fake promises. False hopes. Broken friendships. Lies. Deceit.

Selena screamed at me and said that I should be more understanding. That I, out of all people, should understand that they just 'clicked' and that love had sees no limitations.

Nick was sorry. I yelled at him for lying to me, for giving me false hopes. For breaking my heart. But he just remained silent and gave me no explanation other than '_it just happened'_.

I was told that I was being a _drama queen _and that I should just get the fuck over it. I was told that I had to choose; it was either accepting their relationship or just hanging on to the past and not forgiving them.

Guess which one I chose.

My group of friends kind of divided into two groups. People who hung with Nick and Selena and people who stayed with me.

My 'group' consisted of a total of two people; Demi Munroe and Joe Gray. _Nicks brother._

I was a wreck. A complete wreck. Even my mom noticed, she tried to force me into seeing a counselor but I didn't listen.

A month passed and I was slowly starting to get back to normal. I didn't act like a zombie, for one. And I seemed to have the people around me fooled. But truth was, I still used to go home and cry my eyes out at night after I'd see _them _in school.

But then, came the real drama, two months ago I found out my parents were getting separated. D i v o r c e d.

It sucked. I hated them for it. I hated to see yet another relationship fall apart. I hated _him _for not being there to tell me it'll be fine. I hated myself for not being good enough. I hated…. Life.

Sadly, though, I had to suck it up. My dad fled back to the countryside and claimed he needed time to 'think'. I was left with my mom. She tried extra hard to be a 'better' mom and make me happy but I could see through her whole act. Inside, she was falling apart. _Just like me._

That was when it got too hard for me to handle. I needed an escape. And that's how I ended up here. In this park. In _our _park. Even though, it brought along with it painful memories I still felt myself more relaxed here than anywhere else. I could think with a clear head here. It was… my place.. where I felt more closer to my older self. My _happier _self. When everything used to be okay.

So, here I am today, just like the past countless days, lying on the grass and just thinking. Trying to srot everything out. _Hoping. Wishing. Praying; _that everything gets fixed.

But I guess that's not possible, huh?

I yanked the earphones out of my ear and got up, dusting my knees to remove the grass. I wiped away the few tears that had somehow managed to sneak out of eye and checked the time.

It was 11p.m

If this was eight months ago, I would get into a shitload of trouble for getting home so late. But, now, my mom doesn't even care if I stay out till midnight. She doesn't ground me anymore either. I'm allowed to do pretty much anything and well, it's almost like she _pity's _me for being the fucked up child who's parents are going through a divorce and is a heartbroken mess.

And, to be honest, _I hated that._

I purposely abided by the rules just so she doesn't feel like she's giving me some sort of unfair advantage or whatever. Because, I fucking hated being the 'victim' when I clearly wasn't.

This was life. Shit happens. Douche bags break your heart. Things don't exactly always work out. People change. _Get over it._

I still had to work on the last part of that sentence, though. I had to learn to how to move on. To get over things. Get over _him._

And that's exactly what I am going to do.

Pushing out all thoughts from my head, I jogged my way back to the house. Tomorrow was going to be a long day.

_Hi, I'm Miley Stuart. Welcome to my life._

**Hi, you probably hate me for posting so many new stories but I just cant help myself. I was actually going to write the new chapter of 'We will be remembered' but wrote this instead. Hahah. I don't know what to think of it. And I'm note sure if I'm even going to continue this. I might though, if people like it enough. ;-) leave me a review?  
p.s; the summary is the lyrics of 'the Harold song' by Kesha. OBSESSED! Go listen to it! Amazing song.**


	2. Chapter 2

**Mess Of Me  
**_**Chapter Two.**_

"And for this you have to make a video presentation, showing the different functions of the human body and-"

Mrs. Hanson, my biology teacher, droned on about God knows what in that same old dull tone she used everyday which lead me to believe the women doesn't get her 'needs' fulfilled and takes out her frustrations on the class.

It was fourth period biology, or also known as; forty five minutes of _pure anguish._ I never particularly enjoyed the subject. Never really gave a crap about what happens when thrombokinase is secreted by the damaged tissue to convert prothrombin into thrombin which converts fibrinogen into- you get the picture. I hated it. Loathed it. Absolutely despised every single second of this class.

But, the funny thing is that this was one of the few classes I got consistent A's in.

So, _maybe, _my strong dislike didn't have anything to do with the subject at all.

_Maybe _it had something to do with the person down the second row, 6th to the left.

Exactly eight seats away from me.

His eyes glued onto his black spiral bound notebook with a blue pen in hand, the same type of pen that he'd been buying ever since grade seven. He would lift it and scrape it across the page ever once in awhile, scribbling down what I suspected to be random lyrics. His _favorite _pastime; writing songs.

I remember when we used to be together, he had this whole song book that con-

Abruptly, I stopped the thought before I could finish it and shook my head lightly. I already had a killer headache, the last thing I wanted was _stupid _memories from the past.

But yeah, as I was saying, or rather _thinking, _earlier; biology class definitely sucks. And the reason for it is the curly haired douche.

This wasn't much of a problem for my other classes, as I didn't have any other classes with him. _Not anymore. _After the summer, when I went half crazy after finding about my best friends and ex's little betrayal, I begged the principal to change my timetable and not put me in the same classes as them. And it actually worked out pretty well, except I had biology with the asshole four times a weeks and two classes with Selena.

Selena… she was fairly easier to avoid. Emily, the girl I used to consider a good friend once, sat with her in both classes and usually, that was enough to keep her occupied and keep the hell away from me. She tried to initiate a conservation once and I ended up getting detention for using profanity in front of the teacher. She never tried again.

Nick, however, is a pain. Harder to avoid because he fucking sits alone. Or with Dandruff Danny, but he isn't of much help. I think its because he just doesn't have any friends in this class, or.. maybe he just wants an excuse to stare at me. I could be delusional, but I _swear_, from the corner of my eyes I've seen his gaze linger on me one too many times.  
But, he never really tried to hold up a conversation with me. Guess he knows it's going to do no good anyway. Though, he once picked up my test sheet from the ground once for me and then passed me a smile. _The smile that used to be my favorite. _I remember crying for an hour that night.

Snapping back to the present, my eyes glanced over to the large clock hanging on the wall for what seemed like the millionth time this period. Ten minutes till the bell. Ten long, agonizingly painful minutes.

_Maybe _if I faked sickness she'd let me out? Or maybe just tell her I need to pee and never come back or-

"_MILEY!" _I vaguely heard someone yell at me, my head snapping up towards the direction of the noise. The teacher was standing directly above my desk and was staring down at me like I killed her beloved cat.

"Huh?"

"Do you mind repeating what I just explained to the class?"

_Oh shit._

"Uh, you said.. something about the human body?" I offered, weakly.

She shook her head and gave me one of her famous _this-is-the-worst-class-i-have-ever-had _look, "If you stop daydreaming and actually pay attention, I was telling the class how you have to make a video about how various functions of the human body work. I'll be dividing your class in pairs and you'll have two weeks to finish this. Your work will be assessed on the basis of originality and relevance. Let me make it clear that you will get a F if any of you copies it off of youtube or any-" somewhere in the middle of her lecture, she had gotten back to addressing the class and I was already begging to tune her out.

So, we had to make a video. No big deal. That should equal an easy A.

I had gone back to picking up my pen and doodling random nonsense across the pages of my binder when my name got called out again.

"Miley," the teacher nodded towards my direction, looking at a piece of paper in her hands, "you're going to be paired up with Emma Walters." She said, earning a nonchalant nod from my side.

"But Emma dropped out of bio last week." Somebody pointed out, causing Mrs Hanson to skim through the list again.

"Oh," she noted, "well, you're paired up with Gray than, Miley."

"_NICK GRAY?"_

I literally fell off my chair, choked on my spit and died.

From the corner of my eye, I could see Nick looking at the teacher and than at me, his expression perfectly smooth and cavalier.

"Something wrong with that?" Mrs Hanson said, raising her _too-thin-that-she-looked-hairless _eyebrows at me. "Because if there is, I really don't care. You and Nick will be doing the circulatory system." She snapped at me, her tone laced with resounding finality.

Slightly aiming curses at her under my breath, I sank back into my back, deflated.

This could _not _be happening.

Out of all the effing people in this class, it just _had _to him! And it's not even a group assignment, its just the two of us.

And the worst part of it was that I knew I couldn't even argue. Mrs. Hanson isn't the friendliest person you would ever meet. And I know if I throw a fit, she'd definitely make a conscious effort to make my life more shittier than it already is.

"Okay, get settled in your respective pairs now and start working. I want this ready in fourteen days." She barked at the class, pushing her glasses up with her fingers. I let out a loud groan, which earned a glare from side.

"Can I please just do this with-" My second attempt to escape from the horror she had inflicted on me was left incomplete as she just cut me off.

"If _any _of you still have a problem with the pairing, you can happily take this to the principal. I will not change the pairing." Her eyes were mostly fixated on me in with a cold glare as she said the words.

The people started getting up from their seats and were now moving towards their respective partner. I noticed _he _had left his seat, too and was now no more than 3 feet away from me. The converse on his feet moving on the floor, coming closer with each step he took.

His face was focused on me now as stepped forth, his lips parting just a little to mutter out something I hadn't heard from his mouth in so long.

"Miley-"

_RING!_

In my whole life, I don't think I had _ever _been to so happy to hear that annoying little shrill sound before. Taking it as the perfect excuse, I scrambled to my feet, hastily grabbed my books and darted out the door. Leaving him standing with his mouth slightly agape from the discharge of the previous words.

_Saved by the bell._ How cliché.

"Will you _stop _doing that?" the raven haired girl hissed at me at lunch later that day, snapping her fingers in front of my face in an attempt to get my attention.

I gave her a careless shrug of the shoulders, "What?"

"That annoying noise you're making with your fork," she continued, pointing towards the small plastic fork I had in hand and the noise I was making my clanking it against the table repeatedly. "I get that you're not hungry but you don't have to torture us all."

I rolled my eyes at my best friends overreaction and dropped the fork in the tray, pushing it away.

"Whatever."

Joe, who was seated at the same table, snorted lightly. "Someone's on their period."

"That would be Demi." I replied, crossing my arms out in front of me and leaning back into the cream colored cafeteria chair.

"_Please_. You're the one who's been acting all bitchy since the last period. What's the issue?" Demi said, notifying me of my mood swings. She could probably tell I wasn't in a good mood, heck, probably half the school could.

"I'm always bitchy." I defended myself weakly.

"What happened? You broke a nail on your way over to school this morning and now you're coping from the loss by taking it out on your amazing friends?" Joe attempted to joke from across the table.

"Nope, I'm stuck in bio for the next two weeks with your joke of a brother." The thought was bothering me ever since I ran out of that classroom and I was beginning to have horrible thoughts about what would happen in the next two weeks.

"Wait, I thought you already had biology with him?" Joe said, raising his eyebrow slightly.

Even though my voice held no amount of sadness or anything that should be the cause of worry, Joe and Demi had subconsciously leaned forward towards me. A hint of worry burning in both their eyes like they thought I would start crying or something at the very mention of the asshole. I didn't particularly like that idea.

"I did. But we actually have to work together for a project now. Which means I'll have to _talk _to him." I groaned, my bitterness evident in my voice.

Joe and Demi exchanged a secret glance, in hopes that I wouldn't notice but guess that one was a fail.

"I could talk to him, you know, if you want. He can go to the-" Joe started, hesitantly but I raised my hand to stop him.

"Doesn't matter, Joe." I literally hissed, "Its fine. It's not like he can cause more damage in two weeks than he did in the past few months." My words slipped out before I even had a chance to stop them.

_Shit._ I didn't mean to open up like that. I never opened up anymore, not even to my friends. It was somewhat a weird characteristic I had picked up in the past few months. Keeping secrets, burying them deep inside the confines of my heart and never opening open to anybody.

Because, if you tell people your problems, all the shit you go through, a little part of them starts pitying you. Even if they're your best friends. And pity was something that I truly loathed with every inch of my bare body.

Pitying someone makes no sense. Because, no matter what situation, what problem, the person in it _always _has contribution to it. Even if it is just the tiniest bit, it always there.

Silence hung on our table for a second and the air grew tense. Frantic glances were thrown my way by the pair, trying to read my reaction. But it wasn't long till Joe blurted out.

"Well, this isn't awkward or anything…"

The silence was replaced by the sound of Demi's laughter. He even managed to earn a smile from me.

"Funny, Joe." My tone was half sarcastic, half serious.

He passed me a grin and popped his collar, "well, guurl, you know how I do!" he flicked his hand in the air, faking his best _diva _accent, causing Demi to snort again. I chuckled.

"Demi, how do even manage to stay with this guy?" I said through my laughter and shook my head lightly.

If I forgot to mention earlier, Demi and Joe are dating. It's been a while now…

"It's called _love, _sweety." Demi grinned, and threw Joe one of those lovey-dovey looks. He returned it.

I stared at the both of them for a long second before shaking my head and finally muttering; "Yeah, _love…"_

The cars swooped past me and the wind hit my face as I threw my school higher above my shoulder, tightly clutching onto the strap. My earphones were stuffed into my ears, playing the tune of my favorite song at the moment. I was taking my time walking back from school today, letting my thoughts occupy me. Eventually, I would stumble across an empty can of soda or an empty juice box in my path and gently kick it forward until it rolled away from my reach. Letting out my occasional sighs.

I was halfway to my house when I felt a hand tap my shoulder from behind. Turning around, I saw I face I didn't really expect or wished to see at this moment.

Nick was standing right in front of me, his lips moving quickly to form the words coming out of his mouth. I couldn't hear them because of the loud music filling my ear.

Annoyed by his appearance, I yanked them out and they fell downwards, only hanging loosely from the pockets of my jeans.

"What do you want?" I spat at him, crossing my arms out in front of me.

"I came to talk to you about the biology thing." He said, simply and offered me a weak smile.

My eyes rolled to the back of my head and I tried my hardest not to sound too harsh, "Listen, about that, I've got it covered. I'll make the video by myself, and then show it to you. You can edit it if you like, I don't care. Or make one of your own." I told him, quickly. This was the only possible solution I had come up with.

"No, you don't understand, we _both _have to be in that video. You can't just do it by yourself." He told me.

"I can, and I will." I simply answered and turned on my heels to walk away.

"MILEY! Wait." He called out and easily walked to keep up with my pace, "I don't want a bad grade on this, okay? So would you please grow up and cooperate a little?"

_Ouch. _

I came to an abrupt halt and faced him, "I see you haven't changed at all," my voice was literally dripping venom at this point, "And I don't care about you're grade. Simple as that. Now leave me alone." I spat at him and started to walk away again.

But this time he grabbed my wrist and forced me to face him, "Miley, stop acting like so childish. It's not my fault we got paired, alright? The least you can do is at least pretend to be more civil and just do the freaking video with me!" His voice was frustrated and annoyed.

I yanked my arm away from his grip and shot him a disgusted look. "Don't fucking touch me."

"Get over it. Now, tell me if you are doing the video or not? Because than I'll just have to go Mrs. Hanson and tell her to flunk you."

I thought a moment before answering, "Whatever."

"Is that a yes?" His eyebrows shot up.

"It's not a no. Go figure, you moron." I replied, resisting the urge to roll my eyes.

My answer surprised him. I guess he wasn't expecting me to agree with the whole thing. But the surprise was quickly replaced by gratitude.

"Great! We'll figure out the details in school tomorrow, alright?" By his tone, he was evidently pleased.

"Whatever."

"Right, take care of yourself. I'll see you around."

And just like that, he was gone. Already jogging away to his next destination. Leaving me staring from behind.

_I better get a new tissue box for tonight…_

**I've decided to do this story. ;-) I actually kind of like it, too. Even though it's a bit.. cliché. ;p But, don't expect my updates to be too fast. :/ I was thinking one update per week? That sound good?  
And ohh, the recent Niley sighting! *insert teenie squeal here* I mean, it could be rumor but a girl can dream, right? ;D  
Hahah, drop me a review, my lovelies.  
**


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